EARLY CHILD MANAGEMENT WHAT TO DO WITH A DESTRUCTIVE CHILD

Revised Edition with input from Dr Ellis. O

"Using 12yr old Lekki British Intl student who tried to poison his classmate over first position in class as a case study "

I have been following closely the outcome of this event as it happened last month.
12yr old student (name witheld) broke in the school's lab and stole sulphuric acid and ethanol, mixed-up and deposited in the water flask of a female classmate age 11.

Thankfully, he was spotted by another student and alarm was raised. He broke down and confessed to the crime but here's what's funny:
The school has condoned and covered up this saga.

No, the young lad shouldn't be crucified but children need to know that there are consequences to every of their action. What is a week's suspension compared to the gravity of the atrocity? He had exams to complete? A child could have died, would have been dead for christsakes. Would I support an expulsion as well? No.

Here's what that child needs: PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION AND BEHAVIOURAL RESTRUCTURING.

"This child is a representation of 40% of Elite children who supposedly should be model kids seeing as they have everything going for them. Nannies, Cooks, Drivers, Minders (foreign and local), Cleaners, Private Tutors, Chaperones et al"

Despite having all these at their beck and call, it boils down to the parents. The very 2 who had sex and produced that child.

HERE IS THE REASON BEHIND HIS ACTION:
This child craves the attention/approval of his parents. A typical scenario is a father who's work responsibilities allows him little or no time with his son. You acquire a certain lifestyle, you have to work hard to maintain it. Being rich and staying rich isn't for loafers so I absolutely understand that.

His Mother? Probably runs her own conglomerate or is busy with fundraisers, organising tea parties or runs a social network of elite wives or just stuck to #Telemundo. Again, I understand that as a woman who runs a social network herself, I am not always home.

*Now the only time this boy gets some sort of attention or validation from his parents is at the end of the term when he brings home his report card and he's first position.
Good boy. That's my son. You have made me proud my son. Anything for you my son.

Mind you, these are words every child should freely receive from their guardian.freely and frequently.

But you see, this boy gets the approval of daddy and dotting of mummy when he comes first so how dare this girl just come and take that first position from him...Twice. 2x. The travesty.

So he thinks up a little plan to teach her a lesson. He initially intended to put feaces in her juice but she didn't come with her juice that day, just the water flask so he thought up a chemical mixture.

We know the rationale behind his thinking but what must have triggered him to action?
Did he request for something and was reminded that he fell behind? Did he do something unintended, like break an antique glass cup, probably the very one Queen Elizabeth's forefathers drank from, and was reminded that he wasn't meeting the family's expectation or was he jested for being beaten to first position by a girl.

So many possible causes but what I am interested in is the wellbeing of that boy. That boy needs help. And fast. Do not have him thinking he can get away with anything with the right connection.

My fear is this: A teacher speaking on anonymity says he has been expelled. Do I support the expulsion, NO, because it wouldn't change anything. The parents will go ahead to reinstate him in another school like nothing happened. The school ought to have held the parents down to a signed action. Action to help the boy psychologically and this would also include evaluation of the parents themselves. The school owe it to the girl in question and other kids to make sure that situation is curbed and wouldn't repeat itself.

But I see 2 situations playing out:
(1) Change his school. A boarding school in another state preferably seeing the social outcry the incidence generated.

(2) Send him abroad.

These 2 possible outcomes will only nuture one monster to the society. Osama bin Laden keeps coming to my head. He was once an adorable child.

The best and only solution I see here is to pull him out of school and association of other for about 8-12 months and restructure the mind of that child. And the parents should actively participate in this exercise as well. THEY ARE THE SOLE CAUSE OF THIS DISASTER.

Finally Dear Parents,
If you notice any sort of destructive behavior in your child, act fast to nip it in the bud.
-If that child disrupts a game just because he's losing....nip it.

-If that child throws a tantrum when asked to share with siblings or friends ....nip it.

-if that child overly seeks attention and applause... nip it.

-if that child squirms when you praise other children and not at his expense.... nip it.

It is hard work. Yes it is. There is no handbook to raising your children correctly. None whatsoever. The best you can do is be attentive and pay attention to every little characteristic trait, good or bad. Know which traits to nuture or nip.

Are you having a hard time controlling the behaviour of your kid or is your teen prone to certain undesirable traits?? Do not walk alone. I and my team are here to walk you. Our consulting Services are free. Why don't you take advantage of it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. EVERY family has their own private demon they wrestle with, privacy is top priority.

If you read this to the end, thank you. If this moved something in you,do not bother using the like button, share so parents, caregivers, minders, school owners can better prepare themselves for issues as these.

Sira-Teeh Ngbor
Child Management Specialist
surge_servicez @yahoo.com